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LJI week 1 - corrupted faith
Sep. 17th, 2026 05:13 pmIt's interesting to me how every atheist I have met is kinder and more concerned about mankind than the so called Christians I've surrounded myself with for so long.
They are articulate, thoughtful, caring, open, loving. As opposed to the Pharisee-like Christians I see on YouTube, bearded and flannel clad. Or Jewish and smug. Ignoring the planks in their own eyes while being hyperfocused on the specks in ours.
I love an atheist.
I know my religious, Trump loving parents would be appalled that I am in a relationship with not only an atheist, but also with a beautiful pansexual Chickasaw queen ten years my senior. I tell them I live with my "roommates" because they simply wouldn't be able to handle the shock.
I've always been, out of my four siblings, the one that followed the rules. I waited until I was married to have (always disappointing) sex. If my parents had been able to get their way, their daughter would have married some earnest young pastor, had a herd of kids and taught Sunday School and read saccharine Christian fiction.
My parents still believe I'm that person. The first thing my mother asked me when I moved from southern Arizona to the AZ/CA border was if I had found a "nice Bible believing church". There are plenty in my area, but ironically the church that labeled itself "a church for people who are jaded by church culture" is why I would rather do something else with my Sundays.
Instead, I make breakfast for the three of us. Last Sunday it was cranberry wild rice French toast with homemade bread I finished baking the night before. This Sunday I think I'll make a scramble, with red potatoes and chopped tomato, cheddar cheese and kielbasa, butterflied and cooked in the skillet until caramelized.
I believe in something higher than me, whatever it is. God, Buddha, Allah, Tom Cruise, apologies to Ricky Bobby. And when I'm alone, I still pray sometimes.
But I have lost my faith with the Christians I grew up with.
My youth leaders, the people I loved and respected, the former pastors, the Sunday School teachers, have almost all bought the snake oil the charlatan in Washington DC is selling them. To quote that Michael W Smith song, all the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay.
I recently spent a week and a half with my parents. Fox News was always on. If it wasn't on the TV, it played on the outside radio we used to have in the kitchen when I was growing up. The ugly vitriol they wouldn't have tolerated from Obama, Biden or Clinton flows from the mouth of the media.
They justify what he says, they call anyone who disagrees with him names, they refuse to listen to any other opinions.
They joke about the Minnesota mom and the VA nurse who were killed, saying it was "pretti good".
They still act as if Charlie Kirk, a glorified podcaster who said plenty of hateful, harmful and racist things was a modern day Christian martyr.
I do not want to be a Christian anymore if this is what being a Christian is.
I want to love people for who they are. Not judge them for who they voted for, what they believe, or their religion.
I believe a woman should have the right to decide what to do with her body and rich old white men shouldn't be making those decisions for her.
I will continue to love my neighbor even if they're a different color, a different race, a different sexuality than me.
I will not make excuses in the name of supporting a reality star who is doing everything he can to distract people from the fact he is a pedophile and protects other pedophiles.
If this is what being a Christian has become, maybe I am an atheist after all.
They are articulate, thoughtful, caring, open, loving. As opposed to the Pharisee-like Christians I see on YouTube, bearded and flannel clad. Or Jewish and smug. Ignoring the planks in their own eyes while being hyperfocused on the specks in ours.
I love an atheist.
I know my religious, Trump loving parents would be appalled that I am in a relationship with not only an atheist, but also with a beautiful pansexual Chickasaw queen ten years my senior. I tell them I live with my "roommates" because they simply wouldn't be able to handle the shock.
I've always been, out of my four siblings, the one that followed the rules. I waited until I was married to have (always disappointing) sex. If my parents had been able to get their way, their daughter would have married some earnest young pastor, had a herd of kids and taught Sunday School and read saccharine Christian fiction.
My parents still believe I'm that person. The first thing my mother asked me when I moved from southern Arizona to the AZ/CA border was if I had found a "nice Bible believing church". There are plenty in my area, but ironically the church that labeled itself "a church for people who are jaded by church culture" is why I would rather do something else with my Sundays.
Instead, I make breakfast for the three of us. Last Sunday it was cranberry wild rice French toast with homemade bread I finished baking the night before. This Sunday I think I'll make a scramble, with red potatoes and chopped tomato, cheddar cheese and kielbasa, butterflied and cooked in the skillet until caramelized.
I believe in something higher than me, whatever it is. God, Buddha, Allah, Tom Cruise, apologies to Ricky Bobby. And when I'm alone, I still pray sometimes.
But I have lost my faith with the Christians I grew up with.
My youth leaders, the people I loved and respected, the former pastors, the Sunday School teachers, have almost all bought the snake oil the charlatan in Washington DC is selling them. To quote that Michael W Smith song, all the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols of clay.
I recently spent a week and a half with my parents. Fox News was always on. If it wasn't on the TV, it played on the outside radio we used to have in the kitchen when I was growing up. The ugly vitriol they wouldn't have tolerated from Obama, Biden or Clinton flows from the mouth of the media.
They justify what he says, they call anyone who disagrees with him names, they refuse to listen to any other opinions.
They joke about the Minnesota mom and the VA nurse who were killed, saying it was "pretti good".
They still act as if Charlie Kirk, a glorified podcaster who said plenty of hateful, harmful and racist things was a modern day Christian martyr.
I do not want to be a Christian anymore if this is what being a Christian is.
I want to love people for who they are. Not judge them for who they voted for, what they believe, or their religion.
I believe a woman should have the right to decide what to do with her body and rich old white men shouldn't be making those decisions for her.
I will continue to love my neighbor even if they're a different color, a different race, a different sexuality than me.
I will not make excuses in the name of supporting a reality star who is doing everything he can to distract people from the fact he is a pedophile and protects other pedophiles.
If this is what being a Christian has become, maybe I am an atheist after all.
